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In Bette Isacoff’s Memoir ‘Star Crossed,’ An Unlikely Pair Beats The Odds

By Lisa Green

In 1968, when Bette Francesconi met Richard Isacoff, she was a 21-year-old Catholic, a senior in college doing her practice teaching assignment. He was a 17-year-old Jewish student, a senior at the school where she was teaching. Seven weeks later they were engaged. There were, not surprisingly, objections to their engagement, from incredulous (hers) and disapproving (his) parents, uncooperative clergy, and the complications inherent in an interfaith marriage.

As Ladies’ Home Journal would ask, Can this marriage be saved?

Sorry, LHJ. You would never have heard from this couple. Despite the challenges they faced from the beginning, Bette and Richard Isacoff, who live in Cheshire (he’s an attorney in Pittsfield), have had an extraordinary marriage that’s still going strong after 44 years. It’s a love story Bette relates in her memoir, Star Crossed, published by Headwinds Publishing. Isacoff will be reading from the book and followed by a Q&A session at the Mason Library in Great Barrington on Saturday, May 17, with a chocolate tasting supplied by Chocolate Springs.

Star Crossed focuses on the couple’s first weeks of courtship, their engagement, and the obstacles leading up to their wedding, detailing the objections they encountered and roadblocks they had to overcome. The interfaith aspect was the most troubling to others, but there were also the age difference and education levels that seemed to concern everyone else. Still, they weren’t so blinded by love that they couldn’t see what they were up against. They began to work it out. When they were dating, Bette went to Friday night synagogue services with Richard; he went to Sunday mass with her. His family never accepted her; hers grew to love him like the son they never had.

Isacoff’s enthusiasm bubbles out as she talks about her many accomplishments — teacher, writer, registered nurse, former dog obedience trainer, breeder and show dog competitor, multiple academic degrees (she went back for a master’s degree in creative writing at age 64), Iditarod volunteer. And yet, she says, all that really matters in the end is the love between herself and Richard.

“I knew when I met him he had something that was magical and unique,” she says. And perhaps she didn’t realize how exceptional their marriage was until, recovering after a surgery in 2000, she tuned into Dr. Phil and Oprah, and found herself aghast at all the “my man cheated on me” dramas bleeding all over the afternoon programs on TV.

“I thought, is this the message we’re giving young women about marriage?” Bette says. “It became important to me to show people what a marriage filled with love, devotion and respect can be.” Such was the inspiration for her memoir.

At the reading, Bette (and Richard — they’re rarely apart) will reflect upon their 44-year marriage and delve into deeper questions: How do you blend your religions, and combine your families to create one of your own in faith? What makes a successful marriage, interfaith or otherwise?

The book’s excellent reviews (not to mention an endorsement by Patricia McLachlan, Newbery Medal award winner for Sarah, Plain and Tall) have been gratifying. “You put a book out there and never know what the response is going to be,” Isacoff says. But love against the odds is a story that’s pretty irresistible, and Isacoff’s evident passion for her husband is charming, if not enviable. It’s no surprise that the comment she hears most of all is “I wish I had a husband like that.”

Star Crossed Author Talk and Chocolate Tasting
Saturday, May 17, 1 p.m.
Mason Library
231 Main Street, Great Barrington
(413) 528-2403

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Posted by Lisa Green on 05/05/14 at 09:50 AM • Permalink